19/12/2012 Wednesday,

headed to punggol around 7+ to meet up with nazree.. first we send stuff to scape.. then went back to punggol.. and went to yishun to meet up with his friend..while along lentor.. the unimaginable happened..

i just dont understand it... i was so careful.. still it happened..nazree was on the ground screaming in pain.. cos he landed on his ass.. it's all my fault..  the first vehicle i hit was a chinese lady's car.. the second car, SFU6208Y, an indian guy's, wanted to claim.. the lady was very kind plus a bike rider came along to help me block the road so i could push my bike.. luckily i was able to start my bike.. the worst day of my miserable life.. my foot rest broke.. so i had to ride with my right leg suspended..

it was 10+ already so we met nazree's friend then went to khoo teck phuat cos nazree had to take mc.. we were there from 11pm to 4am+ the next day and he got really pissed off.. while we were leaving it started to rain.. regardless, we just rode back to punggol and chilled for abit before i left for home..

couldnt really get any rest.. then the guy called around 11am+ and wanted to claim insurance.. so i agreed.. i just wanted this to end.. met him at sin ming but i couldnt claim through my insurance at idac so i had to go amk industrial park 2a.. he got really annoying but fuck it.. it's over for now..

im banning myself from riding bike for awhile..i dont know for how long but definitely not riding again too soon..

Tuesday 11/12/2012


so nurul decided to treat the family at Mad Jack's because her pay got in and im kinda proud of her. we left home around 8 to fetch mum from work and reached there around 9.. ordered food and i got black pepper chicken thingy which was okay.. reached home 10+ and i chilled awhile at home and later left for amk 'fir's' house..

nurul offered me $10 which i refused at first.. but she insisted so i took it.. it kinda made me feel disappointed in myself cos i never really got her anything or gave her money when i had a job.. what kind of brother am i.. it's so depressing..

reached fir's place and the guys were playing 'taiti', musa and faris. they then left for johor to get food and ciggs.. so i let firdaus try my stuff but it was disappointing as fcuk.. 2 joints and the feeling wasnt really there.. one more joint i shared with faris and it still didnt work.. unreliable stuff is unreliable.. sucked ass hard..

firdaus and me left to get the guys some prata near ahmad john's house around 7+.. we finally left the place at 11+.. we were supposed to accompany firdaus to his yishun flat cos he wanted to shift some stuff there.. but he decided to cab there..

to me.. it sucks to have bros whispering among you.. cos i mean we're bros.. we should share stuff.. and if you dont wanna share.. i mean its okay.. but dont whisper u know.. but what the heck.. that's my opinion..

chao

thursday 6/12/2012

5.20pm

was lying down on my bed expecting a call from hasan for that kitchen job.. my phone rang and it was Firdaus.. he told me to get my ass down to illuma orchard if i wanted to get some extra cash.. i couldn't reject cos i was dry as fuck.. left home around 6.10pm and had to borrow $20 from my sister first to get ciggs and top up my cashcard..

entered the illuma carpark and was i fucked.. i went through all the levels and there wasn't any motorbike lots.. plus it was already 6.55pm and i had to be there by 7.. went out and i had to pay at the gantry WTF.. i didnt wanna park outside cos it requires parking coupons and i didnt have any left.. met Firdaus at level 7 and got to know i'll be working at the back kitchen clearing stuff or as they call it 'stewarding'.

it was quite a chill job but there were busy moments.. overall i pretty much liked it.. at the end of the day.. i got $96.. totally worth it..

Firdaus and me later met musa and faris at the bike lots of illuma.. talked and chilled for awhile then we went to the indian coffeeshop opposite cheers and nearby ibis hotel.. ordered pratas and a spring chicken hahahaha.. left the place around 4..

1/12/2012

7.45pm. went to ikea with taufiq because he wanted to get some stuff to revamp his room.. in the end he only got some cable for his new tv.. then went to hougang to fetch hasan from his house and egressed to simpang bedok.. got there by 11.30+.. musa, taufik maj, faris and zakiy was already there.. got a few drinks and munchies then headed to east coast park.. took a few pictures and played cards.. decided to go tanjong rhu park around 4 and we sat the floating platform to had chat about what's going on and stuff like dat like ns.. sent faris back home at 5 and reached my place afterwards around 6.. lost a game of dota with the worst teammates ever.. ever so silent throughout.. if only i had decent farm early.. wasted..its 7am now.. and im off to bed soon~

so for my latest update!

23/11/2012 Friday:

got a call from akit that he wants to hang at orchard.. plus it was his birthday so i couldn't refuse.. met up with faris at hougang first then went to somerset meet hazel and akit.. faris' friends Izzat & his girl tagged along.. was suppose to have a karaoke session at cuppage but the rates were too high so we decided to have a munch at the indian coffeeshop outside.. and then it started to rain which was okay to me hhahahaha.. then izzat and his gf left for home..

then we decided to go Lido to catch Pitch Perfect which khai desperately wants to watch again hahahahaha.. the movie started at 2345 and surprisingly i enjoyed the show.. it was pretty much predictable but it was nice to watch a "musical" type of movie involving acapella..

after the movie, khai and hazel left for sembawang so it was only faris and me left.. the time was 2am.. we were waiting for the NightRider at the CK Tangs busstop and it pretty much was still raining.. maybe a drizzle.. then i told him my crazy idea..

it was a decision that left my legs in peril.. ORCHARD TO HOUGANG.. WALK.. that's right.. we walked all the way and it was fucking epic.. but it was also bro talk time so it took alot of the pain aside.. we started walking at 2.10am-ish and reached my place at 5.30am-ish.. got up to my house to get a helmet to send him back home..

i told my sister and she said it was kind of foolish to do such a thing.. but you know what.. that's her opinion.. it was gruelling but worth it in the end although it serves no purpose..

24/11/2012 Saturday

got up at 8pm-ish and was surprised to find myself alone at home.. anyway musa called and told me he wanted an impromptu "bbq-tent pitching thingy" tonight so i said yea..i didn't wanna go at first but then i just decided i should.. met musa, faris and zakiy at zakiy's place around 11pm then abit later taufiq arrived.. musa then went to punggol to pick up akit at his place.. then we proceeded to changi village to grab supplies and such.. pitched our tents at i could not remember which side of the beach we were at but it was great fun..

we cooked hotdogs and crabsticks as well as baked beans.. played cards and played the song "singkong and keju" over and over again.. the song is catchy as fuck.. we had 2 tents.. a smaller one to store our stuff and a bigger one to rest in.. musa and taufiq ended up being the ones to sleep in the tents so the rest were outside talking and chilling..

we started to pack our stuff at 8am-ish but we had one small problem.. we didnt know how to fold the smaller tent as it did not require metal rods to set it up but instead was the foldable type.. after around half an hour we finally did thanks to musa and headed to bedok to drop zakiy off as he was meeting myzza..

after dropping him off we went to simpang bedok to have breakfast and headed home right after.. i reached home around 10.30 am and yeah i had fun although it was kind of  a last minute plan..

signing out!

u selfish prick.. all you care about are your feelings..

well guess what.. i got mine.. and i'm not letting you toy with me.. this has gone far enough

you are so fucking full of yourself..

you would date others and fall for someone just because i wasn't there for u when u needed me? FUCK OFF.. you didn't have to cheat that's for sure.. you could have just let me go first.. noone likes to feel cheated ever..

it really is so mature to find someone to give your much needed attention too.. when you could be talking things out with your partner to solve the insecurities you're having..

apparently, she thinks she's the only one who feels pain..

if this is the kind of relationship i'm having where the girl makes decisions on her own.. then i'll be brave enough to let her go one day.. letting me go will be your biggest mistake you oblivious cunt

so just now was the surprise celebration for akit in advance at woodlands(his auntie's condo).. a mini celebration where we had food and his family members lol obviously.. around 40 pax maybe?

didnt know what to get for khai.. so i went to Hougang ONE mall around 4+pm to get him a birthday card.. i could have done better... but not with the money i have right now.. the sky was really dark since 2+ but rain didnt fall.. when i got on my bike and went to compass point to pick up Faris, started raining.. wth man.. it was super heavy and i had to park nearby a taxi stand but my bike couldnt go under the shelter.. so my buke took full force of the pouring rain.. faris and me chilled at compass point for a while.. got a drink and mini puffs at "soya bean" shop i think.. when salman arrived i felt super bad cos he had to take the bus there alone.. was really disappointed with the way musa planned but got over it..

headed to woodlands around late 6 when the rain got light but we came across a massive jam.. eventually reaching there soaked because of the downpour when i was on the way to Compass Point.. my shoes were wet as fuck..

long story short, akit was delighted when he arrived.. he didnt expect anything.. except for the part when he reached the carpark and saw Taufiq's bike parked LOL.. he kept calling Taufiq but we told him not to answer the call..

then we decided to have a karaoke session at grandlink.. as usual i was the last and i ended up lost at tampines with faris.. of course we reached there eventually.. took out my shoes and goddamn my feet were stinking up the whole room.. even i couldnt take it.. i felt "paisey" hahahahah yea but what can i do.. i washed my feet at the toilet and luckily the stink died down..

session ended and we went to grab some food at Kembangan.. couple of pratas and tehs.. and we started talking about girls.. like problems and stuff.. my friends were having girl problems.. i could tell they really needed to let it out and i think they felt better doing it.. it was purely bonding male time.. it has been so long since we had that.. by the way the people there were Faris, Zakiy, Taufik Majid, Musa, Hasan and Taufiq Salleh..

left the place around 4 and i feel tired as fuck right now.. i only slept for like 3 hours the previous day.. but dota is in my blood so im gonna have one game before i sleep hehehehe..

anyway.. the things that i need to do are..
1) write a list of creditors
2) get a job
3) find my motivation

enlighten me.

cruising with guys on their bikes on a late night? acceptable? what do u think?

getting really fishy now.. checked her email.. the last mail stops at 3am+.. that's not possible cos i think she used her twitter till late.. very suspcious.. gotta get her password soon.. i cant put up with this anymore..

we could work things out.. but you're so butthurt

sighs another rocky moment..

she just got back home this morning.. she went to cck with her friends but she didnt even tell me.. wtf man.. im hurt as fuck. she told me she had no prepaid and so as her friends.. i mean come on.. she could have told me on fb or any other social media I MEAN COME FUCKING ON..

and checked her fb.. guess what.. shafiq again.. i'm sick and tired of this..

ahhh fishing is always fun although i dont fish.. but the thrill of catching a fish is indescribable.. the feeling of success/achievement..

lorong halus.. 5am-9am.. taufiq caught the most.. i wanna start fishing as a hobby.. but not yet.. toodles~

FUCKING HOPELESS TEAMMATES WTF MAN WE COULD HAVE WON :'(

anyway going out with my lady tmr for some KFC hehehehe she's treating :>

had a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and horlicks woohooo.. been raining for a few days now.. nice cold weather.. the only downside is riding my bike.. but it doesnt affect me dat much since im at home most of the days.. jobless and cashless :'(.. the price of freedom i guess?

gonna play a game of dota then sleep hehehee.. time check 0757hrs..

anyway.. gotta change my lifestyle.. get fit.. get a book.. get a job..


but i dont know when to start.. this kind of lifestyle can't go on forever..

a rainy stay home saturday for me.. woke up at 6pm.. i slept at 3am.. the best rest ever.. gonna go have dinner tmr at fish and co. with the family and really looking forward to it.. and maybe gonna see irarey if it finishes early huhuhu

"they've promised that dreams can come true, but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams too"

delusional..

feeding myself with fake reality.. i don't know how much longer this will last..

anyway.. went to adam's corner at boon keng for some late supper with khai and musa.. after that went to punggol to look for Faris.. he looked okay but deep inside i know he is crushed.. later on i accompanied him to macds at sengkang cos he was hungry.. we went back around 8+am.. the least i could do was to accompany him u know.. the feeling of sorrow.. i know how he feels..that's why i have to be by my friend when he needs someone to be there for him.. cos love sucks when it goes down the wrong way..

i've found a nice quote "Before you start anything, learn how to finish it". definitely something to think about.

anyway.. i don't really know what she wants. she used to tell me that her ex didnt give her much freedom.. and she didnt like it. so now i'm giving her all the freedom she wants.. but she takes me lightly.. wtf man.. i mean come on.. don't misuse it..

anyway..

1st nov 2012
i just got back from sending my girlfriend home from punggol. was chilling at home when Faris texted me.. he said he needed to drink.. i couldn't let him down by saying no cos i know what he felt.
it was 2.45am then.. i looked all over to buy beer but all the shops i've been to had a time limit and between 12-6am we couldn't get any.. finally tried a shop in geylang and got some.. bought total of 18 cans and some snacks.. went back to punggol and managed to finish about 13 LOL so much for big expectations.. drank till 8 in the morning and i rode home lol..

well job hunting sucked..had no mood to go in and ask for vacancy LOL sighs im so gay.. anyway i really need a job but.. something is holding me back.. money running low.. but somehow.. im not too worried.. not sure why.. it's not like someone's backing me up.. and i dropped my pack of ciggs in the bus WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF 15 sticks left mother FUCKER!!! HAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH NITES

i'm slowly starting to lose it.. i need to escape from this cruel reality

what is an apology.. is it that hard to apologise? if you're saying it's not easy to apologise.. wouldn't that be an act of selfishness? cause an apology weakens the heart.. an act of condolence.. admitting a mistake.. we are humans.. we get emotional.. we make mistakes.. we apologise for it.. a simple sorry can really change a person's day.. i'm still waiting for it..

sighs.. why do i keep losing.. cant i get any decent mates? damn dota you're so hard

i didn't really care if she was gonna leave me.. what saddened me was you weren't being honest with me.. you never really told me about your feelings.. what was i suppose to do..

this was the third.. if the fourth ever comes.. i will never turn back again..

a guy without fucking balls should just fucking die like seriously

this is just wtf.. my gf is slacking with the biggest douchebag -_- and i feel like going cck just to fucking piss on his face.. guilty but still won't admit it... WHAT THE HELL

my eyes are fucking fucked.. but cant sleep early.. need to unwind by playing some games tonight huhuhuhu..

had a little bonding with my cousins.. quite a good day i would say.. but tiring cos i didnt get much sleep the previous night..

imma fking kill u boy stop sucking up to my girl dude.. respect man..

flew with my gf yesterday..had a mint time with her hahahaha.. then went home ard 3+.. played dota 2.. it sucks when u lose badly sighs.. slept at 7+am then midday my dad woke me up cos he was treating the family at Sakura buffet at downtown east.. too tired but still i couldn't say no.. what a glutton i am :'(.. anyway went soccer afterwards and now my feet hurts like hell damnn... anyway tmr is hari raya haji.. big outing and especially looking forward to the food i'll consume huhuhu

till next time :D

felt a sudden sense that i have to get a job soon at orchard.. preferably retail.. like really soon.. can't daze the days away anymore.. money running low

had a dream.. a dream too weird and at the end was shocking O.O.. but i got up and started to diary down every single thing i could remember.. need to start changing my lifestyle.. need to grow

good session with my buddy taufiq salleh yeaaaaaaa... been a while since we hung out.. and afterwards to punggol pondok.. nice day u can say.. by that i mean night huhuhuhu

                                              tahune airwalk with my buddy muzhaffar

god how do i make this blog look pretty.. i want this to feel homely i mean why not.. beauty makes the mind pause..

well this blog was created thanks to my friend ahmad amirudin.. my exNs Senior.. a great and very wise friend whom i truly respect.. i was "inspired" in his way of dealing/overcoming life's problems and one of them was creating a blog to voice out and not bottle-up your thoughts.. i've never felt better.. sounds gay but.. a friend like u is one in a million..

well things are getting better i think.. been texting her since afternoon and it felt like the good ol' days.. she has yet to tell me how she feels for me.. can't get my confidence too high in case of any last minute change of heart :/

 

promise me things will get better

day 3.

please come back baby :'( tell me u love me please :(