shima - setelah aku kau miliki

Ground Zero

Today i woke up realizing u won't come back anytime soon, maybe even not coming back at all. I realized what i did to you was unforgivable. I thought i could prove to you that i still need you but you wouldn't allow it. You don't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I respect that.

I never thought things will go this way. I never thought that you will move on. I never thought that you would stop loving me. I have always believed that we would go somewhere. But then i had to spoil everything. I still can't get over why i treated u like that, not meeting you for like 4 months plus. I thank you for tolerating my nonsense.

I have no idea how long i will take to recover from this state. I will try to shred every feeling in my heart. I must be strong. You know what, it's been great watching you grow, living my life with you for a year plus. Through the ups and downs, i have cherished every moment although i took some of it for granted.

Look where we are at right now, we're completely different persons. We used to see eye to eye. Now we're walking different paths.

I'm putting my feelings to rest now. Hopefully i am able to get over this soon, to get over you that is.

Take Care Nurul Amira. I hope we cross paths again some day.

16/02/13-17/02/13

the night of avatar.. smoked up at around 5 pm while waiting for the luge people.. met up wth them still stoned around 10+ at bras basah.. met up with ydah, michael & his friend, farah t.,naz and mikail.. took a cab down to marina mandarin hotel where avatar is..

absolut vod, chivas and a jug of beer were the drinks we shared.. i started strong.. not even drank much.. went to the toilet.. and then boom i was stuck there forever.. got myself up around 4 and got out of the club to pass ydah her wallet cos i helped her kept it.. everyone had gone home dat time.. so she came down with her bike..

waited for haziq outside till late 4 then we took a cab to RK.. ordered 2 egg pratas but only ate half of 1.. packed the rest back home.. too wasted to eat.. everything was awful.. puked for like 2 times at the club.. and puked again at home around 6..

was supposed to get ready for work at 9 but i was too wasted so i just made a few texts and calls to tell the luge guys that i had personal problem.. thought everything was gonna be okay..

18/02/13

went to work at 10 and muizz was acting weird.. i was hoping the guys who went to the club with me would help me cover my ass.. i was gravely mistaken.. disappointed.. pissed off.. but not at everyone..
that was the day i knew who my enemies were.. douchebags and pricks and cunts to avoid..

Luge was not as peaceful as i thought it was.. backstabbers and sarcastic piss-offs.. karma will bitch slap u so hard.. well i do not wish to talk about it anymore.. it was partly my fault and i should let the past rest..

19/02/13

ziyad mc.. left our plans hanging hahaha but eventually we met up at bugis after me ending work at 8.. he was with marxie his girlfriend.. smoke up at NTU a fat one and we chilled.. maltesers and redbull.. good bro session going.. stupid mindfucks.. morpheus musa.. smoothhvvvv.. lol..

went to macds afterwards.. left for home at 12+midnight.. took 80 to hougang inter then walked home.. my legs hurt now.. semi-stoned.. fully fried.. gonna check out impericon and i'm off to bed!

keep your friends close, but your enemies closer

8/1/2013 Tuesday..

woke up at 745 but was supposed to wake up at 630 cos planned to meet gf at 8.. in the end we met up at 930+ at her place in marymount..  the plan was to help carry some stuff to her new home in redhill cos she's staying over with her mum with her siblings as well.. they had to shift again due to some problems back home..

it was a really hot day and i had to carry a heavy bag, not that im whining much.. i just cant take hot weather.. reached redhill around 11 and chilled for awhile, ate maggi and stuff.. then gf left for wdlands to fetch tiara.. i stayed alone at redhill..played xbox and got bored so i lied down and listened to music but couldnt fall asleep.. sucks..

finally left the place at 5ish and took bus 132 all the way to hougang.. my ass was frying as i was seated for like more than an hour at the same spot.. reached hougang at 636 dialled up naz and met him at punggol to chill at 174(i think) and ended up playing football for awhile till 955.. and ain sugar was there too.. after football slacked with naz, dale, fahmi, ain for awhile and left around 1120..

took bus 62 then dropped at punggol pri and took 325.. wanted to get home and shower and meet up with faris but ended up cancelling cos i had a change of heart.. ate nasi minyak with curry lamb while watching naruto huhuhu..

gonna hit the sack soon.. chao

well its been quite a while since i updated so here goes.. first of all, i went nowhere on new year's eve just like last year.. what a bummer..

6/1/2013 Sunday..

went out for dinner with the family at fish and co with troy as well.. had a pretty good meal there.. i ordered white fish and salmon served with coleslaw and chips.. afterwards went home around 7+ and went to zilan to meet the dudes.. unknowingly, it was an impromptu meeting for faris and his classmates.. but it didnt really bother me that much cos i didnt really feel left out haha..

hafiz, faris, shafik, firdaus, taufiq, naqiah and his fiance(soon to be) was there.. they got some food and drinks and 'catch up' on stuff.. naqiah and his guy was gonna get engaged on 2 feb.. best wishes to them of course.. hasan came awhile and then left cos he was with his gf and they were going to macds.. took a few pictures then naqiah and his guy left around 10..

hafiz brought his car along so we decided to go changi to chill.. but not before going back to my place to get my cigar and helmet so taufiq could send me home later.. wasnt planning on drinking but they were really pestering so i had no choice.. jagermeister was on the menu.. we sat by the beach and drank and talked.. we couldnt really slack for too long as hafiz has to return the car by 12+..

send firdaus back home first then taufiq sent me home with his bike.. reaching home around 1+..

i dont know what to do in this r/s anymore.. i feel enraged yet disappointed at the same time..

19/12/2012 Wednesday,

headed to punggol around 7+ to meet up with nazree.. first we send stuff to scape.. then went back to punggol.. and went to yishun to meet up with his friend..while along lentor.. the unimaginable happened..

i just dont understand it... i was so careful.. still it happened..nazree was on the ground screaming in pain.. cos he landed on his ass.. it's all my fault..  the first vehicle i hit was a chinese lady's car.. the second car, SFU6208Y, an indian guy's, wanted to claim.. the lady was very kind plus a bike rider came along to help me block the road so i could push my bike.. luckily i was able to start my bike.. the worst day of my miserable life.. my foot rest broke.. so i had to ride with my right leg suspended..

it was 10+ already so we met nazree's friend then went to khoo teck phuat cos nazree had to take mc.. we were there from 11pm to 4am+ the next day and he got really pissed off.. while we were leaving it started to rain.. regardless, we just rode back to punggol and chilled for abit before i left for home..

couldnt really get any rest.. then the guy called around 11am+ and wanted to claim insurance.. so i agreed.. i just wanted this to end.. met him at sin ming but i couldnt claim through my insurance at idac so i had to go amk industrial park 2a.. he got really annoying but fuck it.. it's over for now..

im banning myself from riding bike for awhile..i dont know for how long but definitely not riding again too soon..

Tuesday 11/12/2012


so nurul decided to treat the family at Mad Jack's because her pay got in and im kinda proud of her. we left home around 8 to fetch mum from work and reached there around 9.. ordered food and i got black pepper chicken thingy which was okay.. reached home 10+ and i chilled awhile at home and later left for amk 'fir's' house..

nurul offered me $10 which i refused at first.. but she insisted so i took it.. it kinda made me feel disappointed in myself cos i never really got her anything or gave her money when i had a job.. what kind of brother am i.. it's so depressing..

reached fir's place and the guys were playing 'taiti', musa and faris. they then left for johor to get food and ciggs.. so i let firdaus try my stuff but it was disappointing as fcuk.. 2 joints and the feeling wasnt really there.. one more joint i shared with faris and it still didnt work.. unreliable stuff is unreliable.. sucked ass hard..

firdaus and me left to get the guys some prata near ahmad john's house around 7+.. we finally left the place at 11+.. we were supposed to accompany firdaus to his yishun flat cos he wanted to shift some stuff there.. but he decided to cab there..

to me.. it sucks to have bros whispering among you.. cos i mean we're bros.. we should share stuff.. and if you dont wanna share.. i mean its okay.. but dont whisper u know.. but what the heck.. that's my opinion..

chao

thursday 6/12/2012

5.20pm

was lying down on my bed expecting a call from hasan for that kitchen job.. my phone rang and it was Firdaus.. he told me to get my ass down to illuma orchard if i wanted to get some extra cash.. i couldn't reject cos i was dry as fuck.. left home around 6.10pm and had to borrow $20 from my sister first to get ciggs and top up my cashcard..

entered the illuma carpark and was i fucked.. i went through all the levels and there wasn't any motorbike lots.. plus it was already 6.55pm and i had to be there by 7.. went out and i had to pay at the gantry WTF.. i didnt wanna park outside cos it requires parking coupons and i didnt have any left.. met Firdaus at level 7 and got to know i'll be working at the back kitchen clearing stuff or as they call it 'stewarding'.

it was quite a chill job but there were busy moments.. overall i pretty much liked it.. at the end of the day.. i got $96.. totally worth it..

Firdaus and me later met musa and faris at the bike lots of illuma.. talked and chilled for awhile then we went to the indian coffeeshop opposite cheers and nearby ibis hotel.. ordered pratas and a spring chicken hahahaha.. left the place around 4..

1/12/2012

7.45pm. went to ikea with taufiq because he wanted to get some stuff to revamp his room.. in the end he only got some cable for his new tv.. then went to hougang to fetch hasan from his house and egressed to simpang bedok.. got there by 11.30+.. musa, taufik maj, faris and zakiy was already there.. got a few drinks and munchies then headed to east coast park.. took a few pictures and played cards.. decided to go tanjong rhu park around 4 and we sat the floating platform to had chat about what's going on and stuff like dat like ns.. sent faris back home at 5 and reached my place afterwards around 6.. lost a game of dota with the worst teammates ever.. ever so silent throughout.. if only i had decent farm early.. wasted..its 7am now.. and im off to bed soon~

so for my latest update!

23/11/2012 Friday:

got a call from akit that he wants to hang at orchard.. plus it was his birthday so i couldn't refuse.. met up with faris at hougang first then went to somerset meet hazel and akit.. faris' friends Izzat & his girl tagged along.. was suppose to have a karaoke session at cuppage but the rates were too high so we decided to have a munch at the indian coffeeshop outside.. and then it started to rain which was okay to me hhahahaha.. then izzat and his gf left for home..

then we decided to go Lido to catch Pitch Perfect which khai desperately wants to watch again hahahahaha.. the movie started at 2345 and surprisingly i enjoyed the show.. it was pretty much predictable but it was nice to watch a "musical" type of movie involving acapella..

after the movie, khai and hazel left for sembawang so it was only faris and me left.. the time was 2am.. we were waiting for the NightRider at the CK Tangs busstop and it pretty much was still raining.. maybe a drizzle.. then i told him my crazy idea..

it was a decision that left my legs in peril.. ORCHARD TO HOUGANG.. WALK.. that's right.. we walked all the way and it was fucking epic.. but it was also bro talk time so it took alot of the pain aside.. we started walking at 2.10am-ish and reached my place at 5.30am-ish.. got up to my house to get a helmet to send him back home..

i told my sister and she said it was kind of foolish to do such a thing.. but you know what.. that's her opinion.. it was gruelling but worth it in the end although it serves no purpose..

24/11/2012 Saturday

got up at 8pm-ish and was surprised to find myself alone at home.. anyway musa called and told me he wanted an impromptu "bbq-tent pitching thingy" tonight so i said yea..i didn't wanna go at first but then i just decided i should.. met musa, faris and zakiy at zakiy's place around 11pm then abit later taufiq arrived.. musa then went to punggol to pick up akit at his place.. then we proceeded to changi village to grab supplies and such.. pitched our tents at i could not remember which side of the beach we were at but it was great fun..

we cooked hotdogs and crabsticks as well as baked beans.. played cards and played the song "singkong and keju" over and over again.. the song is catchy as fuck.. we had 2 tents.. a smaller one to store our stuff and a bigger one to rest in.. musa and taufiq ended up being the ones to sleep in the tents so the rest were outside talking and chilling..

we started to pack our stuff at 8am-ish but we had one small problem.. we didnt know how to fold the smaller tent as it did not require metal rods to set it up but instead was the foldable type.. after around half an hour we finally did thanks to musa and headed to bedok to drop zakiy off as he was meeting myzza..

after dropping him off we went to simpang bedok to have breakfast and headed home right after.. i reached home around 10.30 am and yeah i had fun although it was kind of  a last minute plan..

signing out!

u selfish prick.. all you care about are your feelings..

well guess what.. i got mine.. and i'm not letting you toy with me.. this has gone far enough

you are so fucking full of yourself..

you would date others and fall for someone just because i wasn't there for u when u needed me? FUCK OFF.. you didn't have to cheat that's for sure.. you could have just let me go first.. noone likes to feel cheated ever..

it really is so mature to find someone to give your much needed attention too.. when you could be talking things out with your partner to solve the insecurities you're having..

apparently, she thinks she's the only one who feels pain..

if this is the kind of relationship i'm having where the girl makes decisions on her own.. then i'll be brave enough to let her go one day.. letting me go will be your biggest mistake you oblivious cunt

so just now was the surprise celebration for akit in advance at woodlands(his auntie's condo).. a mini celebration where we had food and his family members lol obviously.. around 40 pax maybe?

didnt know what to get for khai.. so i went to Hougang ONE mall around 4+pm to get him a birthday card.. i could have done better... but not with the money i have right now.. the sky was really dark since 2+ but rain didnt fall.. when i got on my bike and went to compass point to pick up Faris, started raining.. wth man.. it was super heavy and i had to park nearby a taxi stand but my bike couldnt go under the shelter.. so my buke took full force of the pouring rain.. faris and me chilled at compass point for a while.. got a drink and mini puffs at "soya bean" shop i think.. when salman arrived i felt super bad cos he had to take the bus there alone.. was really disappointed with the way musa planned but got over it..

headed to woodlands around late 6 when the rain got light but we came across a massive jam.. eventually reaching there soaked because of the downpour when i was on the way to Compass Point.. my shoes were wet as fuck..

long story short, akit was delighted when he arrived.. he didnt expect anything.. except for the part when he reached the carpark and saw Taufiq's bike parked LOL.. he kept calling Taufiq but we told him not to answer the call..

then we decided to have a karaoke session at grandlink.. as usual i was the last and i ended up lost at tampines with faris.. of course we reached there eventually.. took out my shoes and goddamn my feet were stinking up the whole room.. even i couldnt take it.. i felt "paisey" hahahahah yea but what can i do.. i washed my feet at the toilet and luckily the stink died down..

session ended and we went to grab some food at Kembangan.. couple of pratas and tehs.. and we started talking about girls.. like problems and stuff.. my friends were having girl problems.. i could tell they really needed to let it out and i think they felt better doing it.. it was purely bonding male time.. it has been so long since we had that.. by the way the people there were Faris, Zakiy, Taufik Majid, Musa, Hasan and Taufiq Salleh..

left the place around 4 and i feel tired as fuck right now.. i only slept for like 3 hours the previous day.. but dota is in my blood so im gonna have one game before i sleep hehehehe..

anyway.. the things that i need to do are..
1) write a list of creditors
2) get a job
3) find my motivation

enlighten me.

cruising with guys on their bikes on a late night? acceptable? what do u think?

getting really fishy now.. checked her email.. the last mail stops at 3am+.. that's not possible cos i think she used her twitter till late.. very suspcious.. gotta get her password soon.. i cant put up with this anymore..

we could work things out.. but you're so butthurt

sighs another rocky moment..

she just got back home this morning.. she went to cck with her friends but she didnt even tell me.. wtf man.. im hurt as fuck. she told me she had no prepaid and so as her friends.. i mean come on.. she could have told me on fb or any other social media I MEAN COME FUCKING ON..

and checked her fb.. guess what.. shafiq again.. i'm sick and tired of this..

ahhh fishing is always fun although i dont fish.. but the thrill of catching a fish is indescribable.. the feeling of success/achievement..

lorong halus.. 5am-9am.. taufiq caught the most.. i wanna start fishing as a hobby.. but not yet.. toodles~

FUCKING HOPELESS TEAMMATES WTF MAN WE COULD HAVE WON :'(

anyway going out with my lady tmr for some KFC hehehehe she's treating :>

had a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and horlicks woohooo.. been raining for a few days now.. nice cold weather.. the only downside is riding my bike.. but it doesnt affect me dat much since im at home most of the days.. jobless and cashless :'(.. the price of freedom i guess?

gonna play a game of dota then sleep hehehee.. time check 0757hrs..

anyway.. gotta change my lifestyle.. get fit.. get a book.. get a job..


but i dont know when to start.. this kind of lifestyle can't go on forever..